Alive Like Us Read online

  “She was confused,” Sanna said, the words pouring out. “Scared. The voice in the forest—”

  “Then she should have told someone, instead of acting on her own. Maybe then we could’ve been better prepared, and Ivan would still be alive.”

  “M-maybe she was afraid that no one would believe her—that people would think she was crazy.”

  Theo shrugged. “So what? That just means she cared more about her reputation than Erling’s safety.”

  “I have to go,” Sanna pushed past Theo, guilt heavy on her shoulders. The same voice had been threatening me for weeks and I said nothing.

  “Wait, are you sure?” The sound of his heavy boots tromped after her. “I really want to run more tests.”

  “Later,” Sanna grabbed Haven’s dark red coat hanging by the door and flung it over her shoulders. “Tell Haven I’m borrowing this, okay?”

  She rushed across the quarantine yard, ignoring Theo’s pleas to stay. The guardhouse was abandoned, and the chain-link gate propped open. She turned down the narrow alley that led to the main street. The fire’s devastation was evident in the swath of hollow, blackened buildings centered around the smoldering remains of the church.

  Her grandfather’s grave.

  She squeezed her eyes shut as his blackened body flashed in her mind. Was Theo right? Would things have ended differently if she’d told people about the voice earlier? No one could ever know for sure.

  She walked down the deserted street, the buildings on either side glaring down at her with soot-blackened eyes. The damage worsened the closer she got to the town’s center, and soon the structures were reduced to a handful of blackened studs and rubble-filled basements. It’s amazing no one else was injured.

  A few figures picked their way through the remains, searching for salvageable goods, mostly the very young and very old since everyone else would be on the wall. Their filthy faces shot up as she drew nearer, as if sensing a predator. Her mother was among them, sitting on the cement stoop that had once led to Dinah’s tavern.

  “Sanna.” Anne beamed. “Wait just a minute.”

  She finished wrapping a bandage around a little girl’s elbow and stood, opening her arms. Sanna welcomed her embrace.

  “Haven stopped by on her way to the wall and mentioned you were feeling better, but I didn’t expect you to be up and walking. Let me look at you.” She held Sanna at arm’s length, studying her. “Amazing! Like a newborn babe. Even your hair is growing back.”

  “I’m so glad you’re okay.” Sanna squeezed her again. “But I wish I could have saved him.”

  “Oh dear,” Anne held her tight. Her familiar scent made Sanna start to cry into her shoulder. “You have to be strong, remember? The fight isn’t over yet. And I’m afraid it won’t be for a good, long while.”

  “This is all my fault. If I’d only stayed in that tower—"

  “Then you’d be dead as well. Your grandfather loved you so much, he’d do it all again I’m sure.”

  “Have you...” Sanna sniffed, pulling away. “Found him?”

  “They’re looking for metal to make more weapons, not bones.” Anne’s gaze drifted to the church, and her lips tightened to a resolute line. “Listen, Sanna. A horde that size was bound to attack no matter what. Don’t waste your time on what-ifs. Especially when there are real things you can do to help. Understand?”

  Sanna nodded, dabbing her eyes. “Where’s Kai? Have you seen him?”

  “He said he’d be with Raj today,” the little girl—Reina Timms— chirped behind them.

  Sanna had forgotten she was there and looked to her mother, incredulous. “Really?”

  Anne lifted a shoulder. “What can I say? A shared enemy makes good friends, I supposed.”

  “Kai saved my life!” Reina squealed, rolling down her sleeve. “He came into the basement and rescued me, just like a knight in a fairy book. Mama said he’s a hero. He’s watching over us on the wall—I’ll take you.”

  “We need you here, Reina, remember? You promised your mother you’d help us look for scraps.”

  Reina held her gaze for a moment, her bottom lip protruding.

  “Fine,” she sighed, overly dramatic. She picked up the long stick beside her and tromped over to the charred mess, her dark corkscrew curls swinging with each exaggerated step.

  “Your Outsider has made quite an impression these last few days,” Anne said as she watched Reina poke at the rubble with as much force as her stubby arms allowed.

  “I can see Reina’s smitten.”

  “She’s not the only one. He helped a lot of people evacuate the night of the fire. If Raj tried to collect his bounty now, he’d have a mutiny.”

  “That’s good. And the wall? How’s it holding?”

  “Fair,” Anne put the roll of bandages and bottle of disinfectant into her doctor’s satchel. “Though the horde grows by the day. It’s only a matter of time before there’s a second breach.”

  “Any chance of reinforcements?”

  “We sent a message to Sorenson, of course, but it’d take them a week to get here, if they choose to help at all. I think Ivan bought us time, wounding that Alpha. Let’s hope it’s enough.” She picked up her satchel and squeezed Sanna’s hand as she passed by. “I have other patients, sweetie, but I’m so glad you’re okay. Go talk to Raj. See where he wants you.”

  “Okay,” Sanna whispered, but Anne was already gone, entering the toiling masses with her shoulders set and her chin held high.

  Sanna knew her grandparents' love for each other had been a rare and precious thing, which made Anne’s steely resolve all the more incredible. She was right. Protecting the living took precedent over mourning the dead, even if it was your soulmate, or beloved grandfather.

  Sanna hurried to the wall, ready to join the fight.

  CHAPTER THIRTY

  Reina had been wrong. Kai wasn’t at the wall, though everyone there knew where he was—the dining hall attached to the armory. Their faces had shone when they spoke about him.

  A big change from two days ago, when they were all willing to let Raj send him to New Hope in shackles. Sanna wondered how Kai’s rocketing fame set with the second in command, but knowing Raj, he was probably just happy to have another pawn to arrange on his battleplans.

  Sanna found them both sitting at a makeshift table near the wall of windows, hunkered over a tattered map of Erling’s territory. Bowls of rapidly cooling venison stew were set near their elbows.

  “Spotters estimate the horde is at least four-hundred strong now, with clear factions here, here and here,” Raj said, dragging his finger across the page.

  Kai whistled. “I didn’t know there were that many left in the forest.”

  “That’s the thing. There aren’t. We send scouts out every spring to count, and they’ve never found half so many. The spotters say there’s hunchbacks from the Great Plains mixed in, and even some amphibians from the South. What could be bringing them all the way here just to freeze?”

  “The voice in the woods,” Sanna said as she approached. “He’s calling them.”

  The men jolted into their chairs, rattling the silverware. Raj appeared pleasantly surprised, while Kai seemed stunned.

  “Looks like you’re all healed up.” Raj grinned, his white teeth brilliant. “Merrick said you were cooked like a sausage.”

  “A sausage?” Sanna took the seat across from them. “Really?”

  “You’re...alive,” Kai stammered, shaking off his stupor. “And I didn’t call you that. He did.”

  “I see,” Raj eyed the two of them, his smile broadening. The glimmer in his eyes put her on edge. “How about some stew, Sanna? I’ll go get it and you two can catch up.” He rose from his chair, clapping Kai hard on the shoulder, and headed for the kitchen.

  Sanna waited until he was out of earshot, then leaned forward. “So, are you guys like friends now or...?”

  “I wouldn’t go that far,” Kai looked better than she remembered—steady meals h
ad softened the gaunt hollows of his face, and his black eye had faded to a greenish halo. “We just want to survive.”

  “It sounds like you’ve done more than that. On my way over here I ran into at least a dozen people who either want to marry you or make you the new captain of the guard.”

  Kai winced at the mention of Ivan’s old position. “I’m sorry about your father.”

  “Grandfather. You know, I think he would have really liked you, if it weren’t for the whole Inferno thing.”

  His lips quirked into a half-smile. “Maybe.”

  Little Reina was right, he did look like a knight from a fairy book.

  “So, did you really save all those people?” she asked, wanting to fill the awkward silence that had suddenly spread between them.

  “It wasn’t just me.” His gaze dropped to the map. “A lot of people helped.”

  He’s deflecting again. The guy could pull a rabbit out of thin air and find a way to share the credit. “Well thank you, regardless. I appreciate it, especially since Erling didn’t exactly welcome you with open arms.”

  “More like open dungeons.”

  Her grin fell. He was right—his bruises may have faded but their shadows lingered. She’d brought him here as a favor for saving her life. First he’d been beaten, and now he was trapped with the rest of them, fighting for survival.

  “You could stay, you know,” her heart pounded in her chest. “After we’re done with Iris, this could be your home. No one would let Raj trade you for the bounty now.”

  “I can’t.”

  “Why? I don’t get it. I mean, I know it’s not much, but it’s gotta be better than the Deadlands. And trying to get into Canada is suicide.”

  “It’s not just me. That girl—the unclean one, remember? I can’t...leave her.”

  “Oh, of course,” Sanna felt the floor give way beneath her feet, plunging her into an inky pool of embarrassment. “I completely, totally understand.”

  She'd known there was something special about that girl—Kai’s face lit up every time he spoke about her.

  “W-we could find the Lieutenant and ask him permission,” she managed, feeling like the biggest idiot in the territory. “Maybe he’d make an exception for your girlfriend.”

  “Girlfriend?” Kai laughed. “No. She’s my kid sister. Esme.”

  “But—” Sanna studied him for a moment, “you just said she was unclean.”

  “I know. I’m not sure how it happened. Maybe our mother was unfaithful—our parents were matched through New Hope’s breeding program—or maybe Esme contracted the virus somewhere. Either way, she’s never going to set foot inside a colony, which means neither will I.”

  “Is that why your father was helping the Inferno? Because of their stance on uncleans?”

  “No. He was innocent. I don’t even think he knew about Esme’s condition,” Kai studied the map. "I know I didn’t until my mom tried to get us into Broken Creek after we were exiled. After that it was all the same, no matter where we went. If we wanted in, we had to leave her behind. Within a year, my mom and brother died, leaving me to take care of her. I was doing a pretty terrible job of it, so when we ran into the Inferno and had a chance for food and protection, I joined.”

  He talked like it had happened eons ago. “How old were you?”

  “Eleven when we left New Hope. I joined the Inferno when I was twelve. Hayes, the Inferno's leader, drugged me before the incident at Broken Creek, but...that excuse doesn’t matter. I was still part of it. I knew what the Inferno did to places like that. Six years later, here I am, back to where I started. Broke and homeless.”

  “Where’s Esme now?”

  “With Iris. She agreed to take care of her while I went to get you.” His gaze drifted to the window. “I don’t know what will happen to her if I don’t come back.”

  “Hey,” Sanna rested a hand over his tight fist. “You’ll see her again, I promise.”

  “Well, if anyone can get through that horde, it’s you.” The corner of his mouth kicked upward. Everything about him sung of life—his sturdy wrists, lean chest, broad shoulders. Even the tan, corded muscles of his forearms that disappeared into his crisply folded sleeves. “I believe in you, Sanna. From the minute I pulled you out of that lake, I knew you were special.”

  She froze, his words washing over her and filling her with a warmth that burnished the world around them. She could build a life on those words. One without walls and blood draws and constant fighting.

  His eyes darkened. He leaned closer, his unique scent engulfing her. She’d never forget it. And neither would she forget the way his lips brushed against hers, so soft, so full of longing.

  Raj cleared his throat, startling them both. He plunked a bowl of stew onto the table, rust-colored broth sloshing over its rim. “It’s a little burnt. Sorry.”

  Sanna’s cheeks flamed.

  “You know,” Raj said as he sat down beside her, and she knew this moment was about to get a million times worse. “There’s nothing to be ashamed of here. Death and battle have a way of stirring certain...feelings. Merrick’s a good soldier. Competent. Well-liked. Healthy, I’m assuming?” He glanced at Kai, who immediately found the floor engrossing, then Sanna. “You could certainly do worse...”

  “Oh my God. Please.” Sanna stared into the unappetizing bowl of stew before her, then focused on the map beneath it. Erling’s wall snaked across the paper, the town on one side and a row of X’s marking where the horde was on the other. There were so many of them. Too many. Except...

  “I think, Raj,” Kai said, clearly amused, “that if you say anything more she might explode.”

  “Ah, well,” Raj shooed him off. “The Larsons have never been very in touch with their feelings.” The siren wailed, cutting off his words. His expression hardened.

  Kai rose to his feet. “The horde is on the move.”

  “I’ll have to find the Lieutenant. Get his approval about this lake idea.” Raj glared out the window. “You lovebirds better head to the wall.”

  Sanna sank deeper into her chair, mortified. She never would have pegged her stony, grizzled mentor as an ardent matchmaker.

  Lovebirds. The man in her vision was feeding the Infected in his basement. Taking care of them. What if it wasn’t a dream at all?

  “Raj,” Sanna called after him. “What was the name of the Lieutenant’s wife? She got sick before I ever met her.”

  “Ruthie,” he paused at the cafeteria entrance. “Why?”

  “I think I know where the Lieutenant is,” Sanna said, goosebumps prickling across her skin. “I doubt he’ll have a problem with us leaving.”

  CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

  Raj grabbed Sanna’s arm as she hurried down the hallway, squeezing tight enough to bruise. “What do you know about the Lieutenant?

  “You wouldn’t understand.” She tried to break free, but he held firm.

  Kai met up with them, frowning as his gaze dropped to Raj’s manacle grasp. “What’s going on—”

  Raj leaned in, his eyes narrowing. There was no trace of the affable man from before. “Tell me.”

  “I—I had a vision. I think he’s...” What? Being eating by his infected wife and daughter, whom he’d been secretly feeding for months? Raj would think she’s crazy. “Home.”

  “You had a vision of the Lieutenant...at his house?” Raj said slowly. His grip on her arm loosened. “That’s it?”

  “Um...” She caught Kai’s gaze over his shoulder. He shook his head slightly. “Yes?”

  Raj’s sharpened expression melted back into affability. “He’s probably hiding under his bed, drinking himself into a stupor again. I’ll go check on—”

  The doors at the end of the hallway flung open.

  A woman whose face Sanna had passed a thousand times clutched the doorframe with one hand, her other arm ending in a grisly stump.

  She fell to the floor. “A-a-Alpha.”

  Screams poured in from the open door, flooding the h
all with the sounds of terror.

  “Sanna, take the watchtower,” Raj barked as they strode to the door. “Kai, join the archers. If the Alpha’s here, the horde won’t be far behind.”

  He continued on, disappearing into the rising tumult. Kai checked the woman’s pulse and closed her eyes.

  The icy air stung Sanna’s face as she left the armory, numbing her to the mayhem. Screams cut short. Crimson splattered across the snow. The few souls who’d been caught in the open scurried for the shadows, their arms folded over their head as the Alpha’s thin shriek rose in a crescendo.

  Sanna shoved Kai out of the way just as a man’s body slammed into the earth, his face smashed beyond recognition.

  The Alpha plucked another person from the street, shredding his tender neck with her teeth and dropping him. She sailed upward, a barrage of arrows following her until she disappeared into the thick blanket of clouds.

  “Where’d she go?” Kai whispered.

  “There.” Sanna pointed to the gray streak aiming for the archers nestled on the wall. One of them screamed, his body flying across the yard before landing in a wet crunch. Others didn’t have a chance to shout as she sliced their throats and sent them tumbling to their deaths. A few victims managed to sink weapons into her, but they did nothing to slow the onslaught.

  “She’s moving so fast, I can barely tell where she’s heading next,” Kai whispered.

  Sanna could. The Alpha was fast but not that fast. Every time she grabbed someone, she looked at their faces a split second before killing them or dropping them to their deaths. She was looking for someone.

  She was looking for her.

  The voice had sent the Alpha to find her, just as Kelsey had warned.

  “Why aren’t the sirens ringing?” Kai asked. “They should have gone off by now.”

  Kelsey had probably told the voice that Sanna was often stationed in a watchtower thanks to her keen eyesight. “The Alpha took them out first. The spotters didn’t stand a chance.”

  “There she is.” Kai pointed to the Alpha’s demonic shadow. “She’s heading into town and nobody knows to take cover.”